'Meet me in the altar in your white dress'

My parents are here with an agenda. There are four points on this
agenda. a) To take me back to Calcutta, b) To pack me off to London from there, c) To meet this family friend whose son is of marriageable age in London, d) To see me married as fast as possible.

My thoughts on the above:
a) I have no objections to returning home except this that if I do,
either me or my parents will end up killing each other. Since the time they have landed in Delhi I have been fighting with them. And I don't mean to. It's just that I can't help it.

b) I would love to go to London. But it would mean being 'taken care' of by relatives. Really I couldn't think of anything worse.

c) This is the reason behind my parents' eagerness in sending me to
London. Considering the fact that I have turned down two eligible
bachelors in a matter of a few months, they are highly concerned. (My mom has been asking me with a very serious look, you know the puckered-brow type look, on her face, "Now why did you say no to the last guy? He was so good. Mamma you are so foolish.")

When I asked them what I should do in London, they gave me two options, "You can work or study. Do anything." Now that sounds tempting but not when I know the ulterior motive. And the mentioned family friend's son is somebody I have been seeing since I have been attending my cousin's birthday parties. We have never talked till now. He's ignored me. As for me, he's somebody who has never existed till now.

d) No objection again. "Do you want to get married at all?" asked ma yesterday with much revealed anxiety. Of course I do, but at my own sweet time.

If you notice, most of their arguments are for marriage. Frankly, now I am scared.

I need to cure me of my depression. So I am soaking my senses in
chocolate. No, not Ferrero Rochers or even Dairy Milks. I am reading 'Indulgence' by Paul Richardson. It is one man's selfless search for the best chocolate in the world. The summary led me on to read it. Here: "Everyone loves chocolate. From Willy Wonka to Ferrero Rocher, the Cadbury's Flake girl to the man from Milk Tray, it is embedded in our culture as perhaps no other food stuff. Depending on who you listen to, it either clogs up your arteries or reduces the risks of cancer; it is the bringer of acne or the 'Prozac of Candy'; it produces the same chemicals in your brain as when you fall in love."
Perhaps it will do the trick for you too.


The Wall Flower said...

Hmm. if they have come bag and baggage, I think they mean business. All the best.

motheater said...

awwwwwwwwww hug. you definitely need my support so I'll come home tonight. Though I'm too stressed out myself to help much!!

PS said...

Wish taking solace in chocalate was as easy as it sounds. It's nowhere-to-run situation....my sympathies as I totally understand :)

AI said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
AI said...

sorry about that, what i meant to say was, totally understand your situation.

lets join forces and battle them parents!

Parna said...

firstly let me have a hearty laugh! (sorry could not resist that)

now, take a deep breathe. does it feel better?

1) no point in losing your cool when handling the parents. you have your best defences up and ready, when you have a calm head.

(2) take out photos of successful people say - ritu beri. or maybe some woman who you know in real life, thirtish, point to her and say - see her. thirty. achieved. single.

(3) tell her you probbaly are still in your cradle as far as the marriage scene goes. the new trend is to marry late and since you are part of the 'with it' crowd, you plan to do just that.

whatever you do, always counter with logic. and if nothing works, threaten to take a one way ticket to timbaktoo :)

eM said...

i think you should totally get married dude :) it'll be such fun... we can all get dressed up and dance at your wedding :)

Penny Lane said...

That book you're reading sounds damn yum... As a lover of chocolate, I must go out and read it.

About the marriage thing, well, parents can talk themselves hoarse about it but can't really do anything until you say Yes. But the constant talking must be extremely annoying... my sympathies.

First time here by the way, so hello :)

Rat said...

So where will the wedding be ? London or Calcutta or Delhi ? :P

Ok kidding kidding, Stand your ground babe !!!

samit said...

if i were you, id go to london, have a whale of a time and come back happy and fat. maybe after the bomb situation is cleared up though.

i wish someone would line up eligible women in london for me. all my mother does is berate me bitterly for being useless and not getting any action.

AB said...

wallflower: Yeah but I am their daughter too. Anyways we are almost moving into our new flat so they will have to return empty handed.

motheater: With working two places you sure would be stressed babe:-)

PS: But you have the groom ready. I don't.

ashanka: Lets:)

parna: Now calm head is a problem when it comes to me with them. The pitch of my voice goes three notches higher. Or I just smile and make a joke of it all.

The latter irritates the hell out of my mom though. I think I will threaten them with a one-way ticket to Oman. But I have already done that and seriously. It doesn't work:(

eM: Madam, why don't you? I would rather dance at your wedding;)

penny: Welcome and do keep coming back. Now that I have acted the good host, let me say that the chocolate book is as yumm as it sounds. My parents will not get a yes till their daughter wants. I am hanging in here for dear sanity.

rat: At Cyprus;) You are invited.

samit: Trust me you do not want your mum to do that for you. The very word eligible is suspect:)

Gamesmaster G9 said...

Go to London, refuse to answer calls from prospective grooms and duck under the radar totally. Then re-emerge in another 5 years in the South of France with a new identity and blonde hair. Reposition yourself as international woman of mystery, and sell rights to a movie on your life.

(Yes, I need to sleep now)

Gamesmaster G9 said...

Better idea - claim you're lesbian. I'm sure Sayoni would be more than happy to stand in as better half.

Vignesh said...

Better idea - claim you're lesbian. I'm sure Sayoni would be more than happy to stand in as better half.


Hmm.. this seems to be a common battle these days. I should put you in touch with The Ex who recently revealed her plans for the next suitor who comes along !!

AB said...

gamesmaster: Ohh gawd! S will die before my parents. Yeah probably I should pretend to be a lesbian. Sounds fun:)

vignesh: The fact that it is common doesn't reduce its intensity you know. Parents are a rule in their own (sigh)

couchpotato said...

Didn't really mean to laugh; just couldn't control myself after reading Gamesmaster's comment. Most Indian parents would have a fit the moment someone says something remotely related to lesbianism!

Essar said...

Ooh,I tried that with my mother. Was told (with roll of eyes) "be serious" But really, what if I was one? What'd she say then? Nah, parents see through that stuff.
My suggestion, tell parents that u have a man in ur life, who can't get married at the moment, is studying in the US bladibla, u get the drift!

AB said...

couchpotato: They wouldn't imagine such a thing ever.

essar: I get what you are saying but it's not gonna happen. Nor do I, I think.

AB said...

essar: Nor do I want it I meant

Essar said...

Eh.. we can make more sensible conversation on the phone don't u think especially since I have NO CLUE what you just said!

garfy said...

Gawd... Woman thats like the most health conscious way of curing depression!

I hate you for that! I dont have enuf will-power to stick to a book and avoid chocs..

Agree wid an earlier comment... you must try the lesbian path... its fun! You neednt tell your parents.. just the suitors.. :D

PS: HI! first time here! roll out the red carpet now!

Heretic said...

Aiyoh! Best of luck handling them.

I've managed to get out of the tangle by saying I have someone in mind. Except they don't know Angelina Jolie's not available (for me, that is). :)) Try telling them the same, and get your sights fixed on someone like Gere etc. :)

Apologies for the free advice from a fellow non-commitant.

AB said...

rolling out the red carpet for both Garfy and Heretic:)

Garfy: You should try out some kind of French chocolate called Valrhona and what else...Read about so many different kinds of chocs. Let me tell you about this particular drink that they have in Italy called sanguinaccio. It has pig's blood mixed with nuts, concentrated grape juice and lemon and orange rinds.

Heretic: Free advise is always welcome here. Gere is hot. Why not Hugh Grant? One can always dream. It's free too:)

thalassa_mikra said...

There is one chocolate worth sinking a thousand diets for, and that's Lindt and Sprungli. The French may have pretentions to everything, but when it comes to chocolate, the Swiss were there first.

When faced with a situation such as this I would,

a) go to London
b) manage to dodge the relatives (fairly simple task)
c)Find an Italian or Greek man, run away to the Mediterranean and make wine and grow olives for the rest of my life.

Mint Chutney said...

I am quite the matchmaker (affectionately known as the Indian Pimp). Give me time and I will find suitable boy who is far from your relatives and loves chocolate.

AB said...

Thalassa: The first and last is fine. And I always have had a weakness for the Mediterranean hunks. But believe my relatives are not that easy to evade.

Mint: ;)

The Marauder's Map said...

I see beautiful romance in the making between AB and mysterious London man. In the tradition of best romantic comedies. As two people who keep avoiding each other not knowing that the moment they meet will be magic. Film rights mine.

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