13.10.06

What do you do when you are feeling strangely restless? Do you do as I do? And blog...

A relaxed holiday at home seems to do much harm to me. I just don't feel like getting used to work again. It's been almost a week, but I still look back and see how nice it feels to do nothing -- wake up, gorge on chocolate macaroon tarts, mocha biscuits, loiter around the house, sink into the couch, watch the telly mindlessly, cycle in the evening or spend hours chatting with friends in the nearest mall and sleep. And not to mention the time spent talking with or rather explaining to parents what kind of a guy I want to marry. I think it is the hardest job on earth to do. Like how do you explain the notion of vibes to your mother who seems to think that a nice job profile and a nice family should be the focus.

To that extent, a 'nice' guy and his family -- mother, father and sister -- came to see me at our pujo bari. I was furious. I couldn't help the fact that I felt painfully shy. So I did something very funny. I kept running away from them. Wherever they appeared, I disappeared. My father tried his best to get me to chat with them, but he couldn't insist at the cost of making it obvious to my relatives. So I took full advantage of the fact.

At the end of it, I was obliged to see them off, when all I did was just smile and smile at the mother. And then I was told that I had to meet the parents and the guy again. I informed my dad very coolly that he was welcome to chat with the guy and his family, but I would not be there. Now, my mother surprised me with her reaction. She scolded my dad: "Hasn't she said clearly that she wouldn't like to meet the family again? Is my daughter some vegetable that she has to be exhibited?" So she made my dad call up the parents and tell them that they could meet me later only if I liked the guy after meeting him for coffee.

I met guy A. He was nice and I felt completely at ease with him. Only I couldn't see myself married to him. In the course of the evening, I even tried to link him up with someone else. I think he was a bit taken aback as he was by the fact that I was completely at variance with his first impression of me. He had seen a snap of mine that belongs to my high school days. So the present me quite confounded him. Plus it was a shy AB that he had seen running away from him at the pujo bari. And here I was frankly talking to him nineteen-to-a-dozen. At the end of it, he told me that he liked me but he would like to keep in touch before saying anything final about it to his folks. I was hugely relieved. I wanted to tell him then and there itself that somehow it would n't work. But like a coward I kept shut because I couldn't imagine being hurtful.

At home my parents were happy and I think immensely relieved that I liked guy A. But then at the end of an extended conversation, my mother realised that it wasn't going anywhere. So she made sure that my dad never called the guy's parents back. Neither did the guy. He and his folks were waiting for some word from my folks. I wanted to fix him up with a college friend of mine. But I guess it wouldn't have done.

Then there was guy B. His father called up and told my mother: "My son is going near your place to meet a girl. Can he see yours?" I couldn't believe at the lack of tact on his part. It turned out to be a blessing however that I didn't have to meet guy B. He apparently fell sick the day we were supposed to meet. He mailed me his details and the photographs quite reminded my colleague of the primitive man.

Anyway, I got a lecture from some people who insisted that I should not care for looks. It didn't feel nice considering the fact that I am sure that had the same people been told to make their daughters marry such a guy, they would have blenched at the prospect. One asked me: "How come you don't meet guys on your own?" When I said: "Oh I do. But somehow I don't feel anything." Immediately this other person popped in and said something so rude and with such a weird expression on her face that I was quite speechless. She put in: "You know guys may also not like you. They might find you primitive too!"

Even my mother can be biting at time with her comments. She likes to put me down and say really hilarious things. She is my mother however. And I entitle her to say anything she pleases to.

But I must say this that I have really buffed my parents well. They are cool with whatever I say nowadays. Only while I was leaving home, my mother said: "I wonder how many more interviews my daughter will take!"

After such experiences, I have decided to give up on being married at all. I just saw this quote the other day that completely summed up what I feel about the institution of marriage. That you don't marry someone you can live with, you marry the person who you cannot live without.

20 comments:

First Rain said...

Oh yes - parents are complete darlings! I've convinced mine to leave me alone for the next two years so even the prospect of interviews (shudders!!) is not there... :D

Essar said...

Ohh that's such a nice quote - though I'm not sure if it works that way. I don't think I WANT someone whom I cannot live without - that'll be giving too much power to one person don't you think? It's scary.

And I also think it's happy (or unhappy) spinsterhood for me. You think we should start taking knitting classes now so that we have something to do when we're cackling old women?

AB said...

First Rain: Good for you. Might as well do it on your own than face the prospect of interviews;)

Essar: You remind me of my English professor who used to say that you should invest your emotions part by part in different individuals. And never give too much emotional power to just one person. It sounds just right, but does it happen that way?

Anyway, yeah knitting classes should be fine*Sigh*

Essar said...

But that's so true. What do you when that one person, in whom you've invested everything, walks out of your life?

Well, so I'm getting my needles in order.

Penny Lane said...

That quote is great. Good luck finding that someone. I'm sure you will eventually with a few unpleasant encounters along the way...

First Rain said...

Oh yes, absolutely... I might as well. :)

I can't help see what Essar wrote about being scared about giving too much power to one person...

If I could calculate
and invest my heart around,
If it all comes to nought then,
Do I care what I lost or found?

If instead I sum it all
in one dream of candy floss,
and it disappears in a poof!
Delicious! The taste of my loss.

Grey Shades said...

The last line is what I was gonna comment here after reading the post and it was here already! :) And I think looks are important. Not to an extent that you make your decision just on that, but a basic physical chemistry is important to kick-start a relationship, especially with a person who you might end-up spending your lifetime with!

nikita said...

aaah...if i cud write a post about weird encounters, explaining to mom about how it is 'vibes' and not 'job' and 'family' that matter...this would be it. But still I doff my hat to you if you can still actually store hope in quotations as lovely as this...somehow cynicism seems to have taken over me completly :)
Btw, when do u want to come with me to the bookshop for more books to screw up our heads? message me

FiNK said...

ha ha ha.. I really really LOVED this post AB!! I'm with you on the interviews.. man, it's painful. I've only met one so far.. and he spent the whole time telling me how rich and fabulous he is. Which was ok.. till he ordered perrier with a TWIST of lime..note.. not evian, not soda, not slice.. perrier..I'm like.. are we at Rick's or Kenzo, parreee? he he.. made a funny show and tell tho!

The most difficult thing about growing up is.. the dichotomy between sensible and sense..... sensual? link.. chemistry... conversations... so v important. VS. ticks on all right boxes. ugh!

AB said...

Essar: We'll do the knitting in Bombay;0)

Penny Lane: Have already had a share of those encounters. Only two were unpleasant so far. But I wish I could do without those...

First Rain: Are those lines yours?

Grey Shades: Oh so that quote is not at all uncommon I see:( I wish I could convert it in real life.

Nikita: I assumed you were too busy since you never called me. Okay we must get our heads screwed. Always helps:)

Fink: How awful really to meet a smug person. Once I met such a navy guy in Bombay who couldn't stop talking about himself. My sympathies...I hope you don't meet any of those again.

Sonia said...

I guess i'll go sign up for knitting classes as well. *sigh*

The Guy Next Door said...

Guys or Girls - We have all been through this route. The price we pay for not being able to find The One ourselves, I guess. Good Luck to you anyway.

Grey Shades said...

All in due time lady! All in due time...

AB said...

Sonia: That sigh is very much a part of all our lives I see:)

Guy next door: Thanks. I need all the good lucks in the world to bail me out...

Grey Shades: Touche

Sonal said...

Love the quote...believe in it too! :)

And dont give up just yet!!!!I am pretty hopeful that you will find someone wonderful...and soon! Trust me...I can feel it! :)

**Sending lots of good will your way**

Amy said...

can't imagine what you're going through...yet to go through an "interview"....I am sure you don't have to resign to being single just as yet.....and if it makes you feel any better, I am older with no prospects anywhere in the horizon. Here's a big hug from me!

chandni said...

hey there....just floated over at random..

nice blog you've got here

will be visiting often :)

and dont even get me started on this whole groom hunting business...it gives me the creeps man!

AB said...

Sonal: You have been saying that for quite a while now...Lets hope saying it over and over again will make it actually happen;0)

Amy: Thank you honey...Why don't you reply to my mails? I am angry...hmmph...

Chandni: Thanks. Are you going through it too?

And yes, do float it more often:)

AB said...

Chandni: Oops I meant, float in more often...

Amy said...

i did reply, i am waiting for you to write. did you get the song i sent?